Are You Awake Yet?

The alarm goes off. You press the snooze button and you lie there, listening to the seconds tick-tick-ticking in your head, knowing that they won't go away.

The bright sunshine streams through your windows and across your face, nudging you to rise to the occasion. But you're struggling. You don't really want to awaken, you tell yourself. You enjoyed the comfort of the darkness, where you didn't have to come to action, or reaction.

But the curtains are open, Lightworker, and it was you who opened them. It was you who felt the inner stirrings to help, to serve. It was you who finally found your purpose. So you can't shut out all the light, now that you're beaming with good intentions.

Are you beginning to doubt yourself? Are you wondering how you got into all this Lightworker "mess"? After all, who are you to proclaim yourself a Lightworker? Who are you to say you are a healer? What makes you so special?

Well, you can choose to pull the covers right over your head but eventually you will have to come out and greet the sunshine. And you will have to face a few more important facts about your Lightworker status, like how you're going to have to do a lot of forgiving.

But let's not go there yet.

I'm a Lightworker, too, and it took me over a half century to even say that aloud because I was afraid it would sound egotistical, almost as bad as proclaiming I was Mother Teresa.

My own Lightworker story has been one long journey plagued with anger, fear, tears and doubt.

Miraculously, all my traumatic experiences finally led me to becoming a color therapist, spiritual aromatherapist and teacher. I spent many years questioning my Catholicism, wondering why I never felt peace and joy when I came out of mass and believing there had to be something more. When I was a teenager in the early '70s, musicals like "Godspell" and "Jesus Christ Superstar" were popular and I found that they stirred something very strong within me—hope—and shame, mostly.

At the time, my family life was very difficult and so I escaped the madness by hanging out at a coffee house for teenagers called "The Back Door," which was basically a large room connected to our Catholic church. This is where I played my guitar and sang "Day By Day" and it was dark and lit only with black-light posters and I felt safe there, like I was in a womb. This was also the time I began reading the Seth books and The Magic of Believing by Claude Bristol. That book made a great impact on me and was my introduction to creative visualization, although I now realize I had practiced it all my life.

My "Jesus Loves You" period was short-lived after some family members ridiculed me, saying I was only pretending to be pious and so I spent the rest of my teens being angry at God and my agnosticism lasted throughout my twenties. Occasionally, there would be a friend who would try to get me involved in a bible study group—or even the Mormons or the Hari Krishnas—but I didn't want any part of it. I felt God had abandoned me—if He even existed at all—and I was so angry that I wouldn't listen to religious Christmas carols during the holidays or even allow a nativity scene or an angel ornament on my Christmas tree.

I would love to tell you that one day a beautiful angel appeared to me and there was harp music as she told me I was loved and had to change my evil ways, and that's when I began my great spiritual journey. But my awakening was nothing that dramatic, although I do work with angels now. Actually, the most significant thing I can remember is the day I purchased You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I was about 30 then. Louise talked a lot about self-love and forgiveness, two things I desperately wanted—and sorely needed. Her book represented a turning point in my life, as did books by Sonia Choquette, Denise Linn and Doreen Virtue, which helped me improve my self-esteem and accept my healing and intuitive abilities.

For over 30 years, I have been working on the self-love and forgiveness. And how not to be a victim. Not the easiest things to learn, I can tell you. But I've read a lot, listened a lot and I feel happy because I know I am clearly on the right path. It's not the same path as yours, it's my path. And it feels right. It feels true. And I know that I am forgiven of all my sins (yes, all of them) and I am very loved.

So now we get to the forgiveness part, and if this thought makes you cringe, I completely understand.

Forgiving someone for doing you wrong is difficult. (After all, people write songs about it.) We get angry. We kick, we scream, we cry. We withdraw. And sometimes we just want to punch someone. Well, these are all natural emotions so you need to forgive yourself for thinking this way. But I guarantee that once you learn to forgive and fully accept your inner Lightworker, everything will soon fall into place.

As you're growing accustomed to your Lightworker wings, you may find yourself turning to an "expert" for solace. That's fine. Whether a self-help author or spiritual guru, these people have inspired you and their truth may indeed seem like your truth. But please do not make the mistake in believing they are infallible. They are human, too, and they are experiencing their own personal journey. So yes, learn from them but refrain from worshipping them because here's the plain truth: you already have the answers within.

Yes, you are a Lightworker. Yes, the time is now. So arise, you Sleepyhead--and awaken to your calling!


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